How to reflect our values
How well do we know ourselves?
And how do we think about the values of others?
In general, we assume that we know ourselves pretty well and we rarely question our judgment. But actually many of us don´t seem to be really familiar with their strengths. More often we are aware of our weaknesses. We struggle with them and are often self-critical. With others we notice all their bad habits even faster. We don't have to think twice before we have a person in mind, who really annoys us.
But how well do we really know? Do we have an objective view?
Maybe not ;) But how can we improve our understanding of values?
And how can we learn to deal with them?
The Wertequadrat (Value Square)
Here I like to share a tool for reflecting on values. In psychology and communication there is the concept of the „Wertequadrat“ (value square), which was developed in 1989 by Schulz von Thun (based on N. Hartmann 1926 and Paul Helbig 1967). The philosophical basis for this, however, goes back to Aristotle. Over 2000 years ago, he described that a virtue lies in the middle of two faulty extremes, between lack and abundance. The virtue of courage, for example, lies between two extreme points, boldness and fear.
In the concept of “Wertequadrat” the individual values and their extremes are shown diagonally opposite. To try it out answer the following questions:
Imagine a person you don't like. Which characteristics bother you?
What characteristic or qualities should this person have instead?
What are the disadvantages if the desired characteristic (behavior) would be too exaggerated?
Now let's take another look at the unloved characteristic from Question 1. What are the positive aspects of these behaviors? What are the advantages of having these characteristics?
By answering the questions it becomes clear that our world is characterized by opposites. In Taoism, the theory of the two opposite poles is described as Yin and Yang. Both poles together form a whole. The two black and white dots indicate that there is something bad in every good and something good in every bad.
This describes exactly what you can observe when answering the questions above. You can see that balance is what matters. Generosity, for example, is a positive attribute. Yet, if it´s too extreme it can drift into wastefulness. Similarly stinginess seems to be negative, but it also has a positive aspect, frugality. A little „stinginess“ therefore seems better than „excessive generosity“.
Change of perspective is key
The exciting realization about this little exercise is about seeing the different perspectives. Habits that are only positive at first glance then also have another side. These are the famous two sides of the same coin.
Let's look at the quality of "fair". Fairness is an important value for me and at first I couldn't imagine there being anything negative about it. But then I realized, there could be! It could mean, for example, that someone is no longer able to act because he is only evaluating what is right and what is wrong. It could also mean that you are too self-righteous.
Therefore the concept of “Wertequadrat” and the answers to the questions above can help to differentiate your point of view:
You can realize that each characteristic has its advantages and disadvantages. Each virtue has two extreme forms. It´s all about the right balance.
If you discover a weakness in yourself, you can use the “W-concept” to identify in which direction you should develop. Furthermore this concept can help you to recognize your own patterns. You may see why other people's bad habits trigger you. Perhaps this is a mirror for those qualities that you don´t like about yourself? Or maybe the other person´s behavior reflect some characteristics that you would like to have?
The concept can help you to be more relaxed and gentle with your own weaknesses. Of course, this can also lead to more serenity towards the weaknesses of others.
Conclusion
The concept of “Wertequadrat” (value square) is a simple but enlightening tool for reflecting on your values. It is an excellent way to change perspectives and look at issues from different points of view. The four questions help you to get to know yourself better - and understand others, too. And it's great for dealing more relaxed with your own weaknesses or those of others.
