About how we react differently on the same occasion
Some people are sitting outside a cafe. The sun is shining and a slim, long-haired woman passes the cafe and its guests.
One of the guests, a women, looks enviously at the stylish handbag of the slim woman. “Why does she need such an expensive bag?” she thinks, “She must be superficial!“
At another table a man sits and also watches the slim woman. She reminds him of his ex-wife who cheated on him. “Women” he curses in thought. “They are all the same and nobody can be trusted”.
A middle-aged lady is seated at table three. She also observes the passing woman and makes a quick decision: “Oh, how lovely, how elegant! I wish I would look like her! I will go straight to the gym and then buy something elegant to wear!”.
The fourth guest is a man, who can’t take his eyes of the woman. “How beautiful she is”, he thinks. “I really would like to have a girlfriend like her! But of course that`s just not possible with my low income and the way I look.”
So, what happened here? What did we learn about THE WORLD?
Actually we haven´t learned anything about the world. A woman just passed a cafe. Yet we learned a lot about THE PEOPLE sitting around.
What does the passing woman have to do with the other guests? Of course nothing. She was just a kind of „projection surface“ to them, acting as a “mirror”.
Our behavior is partly based on some sort of stimulus response mechanism. Something happens and our response follows automatically. The reaction of each person depends on their individual experiences, backgrounds and desires. Meaning, everyone sees everything through their own “personal filter”.
Since everybody has had their own different (cultural, personal and upbringing) experiences, everybody perceives their environment differently. In other words, the same event can create joy in someone, while another may feel fear or anger in the exact same situation.
„In the same environment, everyone lives in a different world.“
Imagine a second situation: A talking elephant ist making fun of your small nose and the fact that you don´t have a trunk.
What happens now? Are you upset?
Now imagine that somebody (a person, no elephant ;) insults you of being fat, stupid, arrogant or lazy. Would you get angry now? And which of those accusations would you be most angry about? Why is that?
And why are we least angry about the elephant's bizarre accusation? Precisely because this obviously has nothing to do with us. Of course, we don't feel addressed at all.
However, doesn't that mean in return that if we react to one of the other accusations, that we somehow feel addressed? Do we maybe - consciously or unconsciously - have a similar opinion of ourselves here, which leads to us feeling caught?
If we start observing our reactions, it becomes more apparent that we often react more towards our more sensitive areas. If someone makes a statement about us over a matter with which we are completely at peace with, it will not affect us as much emotionally. We might get annoyed briefly yet after a few minutes the matter will quickly be forgotten. If we are hit at a sensitive point, then the matter becomes more emotional for us. We are hit more deeply and the anger stays longer within us. Something is triggering us.
BUT - we can also use this feeling to get to know ourselves better. What strikes us emotionally shows, that we obviously have something to learn. And that is ok, as nobody is perfect and we all have to learn our lessons. We will learn for life anyway - owing to the fact that we ourself and our environment are constantly changing.
So don't be so hard on yourself and just do what you can ♡
Conclusion:
To make a tiny contribution to a better world, we could just remember that everyone has their sensitive spots - and many people are not even aware of them. We're all sailing on the same ocean, and everyone is battling their own waves. If we are aware of this fact, - maybe we could gain a little more understanding regarding the next strange reaction from our neighbor ;)
„Sometimes a change of perspective is all it takes to see the light.“