Is that so?
This is not an edited photo - there are just two pens on a mirrored table
The woman leaned against the window and looked over. As she was about to turn away, a man appeared in the opposite window and waved to her. She nodded and kept standing by the window. The man nodded back again. Then he disappeared for a moment and came back with a scarf and a hat on. He smiled and then he started to wave with a white hanky. Then he untied his scarf, a big colorful one, and waved with the scarf by leaning out of the window. The man's enthusiasm continued to grow, and his actions became increasingly strange. So strange that the woman finally called the police.
It turned out that in the apartment above the woman, there was a child also standing by the window. It waved to the man with a laugh and the man's whole cheerful attention was directed towards the child. He had performed a "window theater" for him.
The short story “Window Theater” by Ilse Aichinger from 1949 sums up that things often are not what they seem. Oftentimes, we can´t see the big picture. We rarely see everything, yet at the same time we feel as if we have fully grasped the situation.
We often seem rushed. While there is nothing wrong with being quick, being hasty has a number of disadvantages. It could lead to jumping to conclusions and careless actions. Perhaps this sounds familiar to you, too: Some people have a tendency to answer a question without actually having listened. Or you meet a stranger and make an immediate judgment. You quickly form your opinion on situations / neighbors / stories, even if the context is missing. All of this often happens so quickly and automatically and without our conscious involvement.
We don´t act as rational as we think because our brain is prone to make mistakes. According to Daniel Kahneman, our thinking can be divided into two systems. System 1 works automatically, quickly and unconsciously. System 2 describes the active, slow thinking, for example when solving a math problem. The collaboration between the two systems is efficient, but the performance of the faster system 1 is affected by cognitive biases and fallacies. Similar to optical illusions, we also succumb to cognitive illusions. And intuitive biases are difficult to prevent. But it can help to be aware of these facts and to learn what situations are likely to lead to mistakes.
"What is your best advice you would give someone?“ the Müllerin (a friend of mine) recently asked her manager. His answer: „Never assume.“
„Never assume“ hits exactly this point. It is an impulse to be more prudent and a wise reminder of yourself: Interpret less, jump less to conclusions, and approach situations with an open mind since acting and thinking too quickly can be annoying, cause damage and cause a bad mood. Rushing to conclusions can simply be unproductive. In fact, it can be so unproductive that it prevents us from taking action if we already assume our plan won't work out anyway.
The question that we should therefore ask ourselves more often is: Is that so?
It can also be used in personal relationships that are more emotional and where there is less objectivity.
Remember the famous phrase “the traffic light is green” - it can be understood in many different ways: As simple information "The traffic light has just turned green“ or as a request “Go!”. It can also be understood as a message “I'm in a hurry” or as a smart gripe “Are you too stupid to drive?!”.
Let's say a colleague said something that upset or offended you. Did he really say what you think he said? Did he really mean it that badly? Did he really look at you critically? Or did he just have a headache or an prior argument with his spouse?
„Tragedy turns into comedy when you watch your own drama and realizing it as a mind-created fiction“
“Is that so?” can also serve as a self-appeal for more openness. Let us assume that your new task seems boring. Or the man next to you in the training seminar looks arrogant. … Is that so?
For a change, how about waiting, listening, and getting involved with things?
If you assume that something is not interesting, you will probably be right. We perceive selectively, which means that we can only consciously perceive a fraction of our surroundings. We know this phenomenon from our everyday life - if we are interested in a camera, for example, we suddenly see people with cameras everywhere. Precisely because we consciously direct our attention to it. Accordingly, if we find this job/task/neighbor boring, we will find plenty of "evidence" to support this assessment.
But what happens if we see it this way instead: "There will be something interesting in this meeting/task/colleague.“
RRR - Rather Recycle than Rate - could be the motto. Just see whether something can still be recycled from a situation. Act like an alchemist.
In an interview, a german moderator, Carmen Thomas, asked an old man what he was most excited about. His answer was: His Bathroom. What it would look like, she questioned him further. „It is white“ he replied with a smile.
Now just think about your own reflection: What would you think?
Booooring! Please go on to the next topic..! Right?
Carmen Thomas, who had also hoped for a more catchy story, suppressed her reflex to break off the conversation and went on, hoping to find some kind of a story, „something to recycle“ from that boring statement. She thought off RRR and switched her first impulse to curiosity. There must be some reason for his strange view of things!?
And indeed, - it turned out that the man had lived in an old rented apartment house for 68 years. Only three month ago a bathroom was installed in his apartment. It was the first (own) bathroom of his entire life! Until then there was only one communal toilet in the hallway, which was old, rotten and shared with the neighbors…
Conclusion: No conclusion, just a reminder. „Is that so?“ - this simple question may help you to stay more open and objective. So why not ask that more often? We actually know what is helpful for us, but our brain is just not good at memorizing things. So we need just reminders from time to time … et voila! ;)
„Look at the moon so lonely!
One half is shining only,
Yet she is round and bright;
Thus oft we laugh unknowing
At things that are not showing,
That still are hidden from our sight. “